whining.

I have definitely been keeping to my “more social” goal. I’ve been to several game nights, a workout class, a Kevorkian lecture and movie nights. Maybe these things aren’t the coolest events or the hippest socials, but definitely more getting outing of the apartment. The downside is that the more I go out, the more difficult it is for me to come to my job. It isn’t that I’m too tired or anything, it’s just the more fun I have the more time I want to spend having fun instead of being miserable at work. It’s the same story all of the time: I am not happy with my job because I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I wish that I could just sing a different song. Maybe I’m just not growing up and am fighting the 9 to 5. Maybe I’m just not cut out for the office life. I want to be proud of what I do, not mumble, secretary when people ask what I do. I toy with the idea of teaching or nursing, but never actually go for it. What am I so afraid of?

I know that my attitude has taken a serious hit at work. I’m no longer bubbly and smiley. I no longer have patience to help those I once befriended. I am negative and grumpy and I am certainly not proud of it. Somehow I have to turn it off at home, remember that it isn’t anyone’s fault but my own that my attitude is in the dumps. I want to stay at my current job until August, simply for the longevity and continuity at one job. My resume needs the help. I don’t want to stay because I hate the work.