honestly.

There's no honesty like my mother's honesty. She will be the first to (ruthlessly) tell me when I have lost/gained weight, when I look pale or when I'm being cranky. It can be exhausting and sometimes prevent me from visiting home. The past 2 weeks I have been feeling anxious about this weekend because I am going home for Easter. I've been laying out by the pool every chance I get because I know I've gained some weight, but I'll be damned if she tells me I look pale. Especially considering I live so close to the beach now.

Work has been kicking my butt. I work all kinds of hours, usually staying later than my scheduled shift. I'm very much enjoying the change of pace, but am having trouble with the lack of a steady or predictable routine. When my day is crazy and meals are unplanned, we go out to eat and it isn't usually healthy. I have tried and tried to get back on weight watchers, but the same motivators are no longer sufficient to keep me on track. Ryan is also very stressed from his job and going out to dinner has always been a great stress reliever for us. If he suggests going out to eat, I'm there. If I'm not in the mood to cook, he's starting the car and we're headed for the nearest restaurant.
We can't keep up like this. The scale is becoming The Enemy and I have no one but myself to blame. Therefore, I've created a new system of motivation to eliminate stress-eating/endless weght gain and support (controlled) retail therapy. My new goal is to lose 15 lbs (9 to get back to where I was and 6 to get where I want to be). If When the goal is achieved, I am buying myself a new phone. I've always been conservative when it comes to phones, always choosing something simple and relatively inexpensive. The razor felt like a fancy phone to me, and it's just your basic flip phone. I'm leaning towards an iPhone. Or maybe a blackberry pearl.

In the meantime, the little weight losses must be celebrated each week also. There are a few things I've been wanting to purchase but have been holding back. This week, if I can drop 2 lbs, I'm buying a purse. I know it seems rather vain and perhaps irresponsible to buy myself presents to celebrate weight loss. The old motivators - my pants are getting to tight, I hate looking in the mirror, my mom, it's bathing suit season - just aren't cutting it. For the last 2 days, the new motivation is working. If I can just get past the first painful week, I think I will achieve my goal.

Wish me luck...