What if I just did exactly what I wanted to do? What if I just wasn’t afraid, wasn’t afraid of anything? That question feels so monumental, I think I’ll repeat. What if I just wasn’t afraid?

Nora convinced me to watch this show, “Quarterlife” which can be found here: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=159457533. I warn you, small circle of readers, if you are as easily sucked into the miserable lives of fake people as I am, then you will be very sucked into this show. It’s “shtick” is that you can catch an episode in just 15 short minutes. There’s this girl who pours her heart out to you in this very raw why. I love her because she’s unsure of herself. And this girl asks the question that I haven’t been brave enough to ask myself seriously. What if I just did exactly what I wanted to do and wasn’t afraid?

There are so many things that I am afraid of. And in true, jennstarme fashion, I give you people a list. A list of things I’m afraid of (other than the dark):

1.Failure
2.Being to poor to provide me and mine with the simple necessities of life (and some of the more complicated, more useless things in life)
3.Never finding the right career
4.Disappointing my family, my friends, the love of my life
5.Giving up the things I value in exchange for what I think people want me to be or to have
6.Being fat
7.Being alone
8.Having a boring life

My latest obsession is teaching. I’ve actually let the idea of quitting my job and becoming a substitute teacher. What would I do in the summertime, you ask? I don’t know.

I waver on quitting and letting it all go to hell or being responsible and saving up as much money as I can to make sure that when I do eventually move to Orlando, I'll have enough money to last while I find a job. We all know I'll do the saving money route, but damnit I'll be kicking and whining the whole way.