Expectations, Obligations and Entitlement

I have always thought that wedding drama was overrated. In my pre-engaged mind, I could not for the life of me figure out what could be so dramatic or stressful. Sure, there are several hundred details that could be hashed out in making your "Big Day" the most special day possible. I just couldn't see how picking out colors or menu items could be stressful. Didn't the idea of marrying the man you love with all your heart oblilterate any possibilities to have stress in planning how to make the marriage happen?
Budgeting is just about the only detail that I could see as a stressful matter. But Ryan and I are so close in thought when it comes to budgeting, I figured we'd skate past that detail easily.

I never once realized that the number of family members you have is exponentially related to the amount of stress and drama you experience. I am Philippino with Catholic roots. Basically that means in this equation I am screwed. My father has 7 brothers and sisters. My mother has 6 brothers and sisters. Each of those aunts and uncles of mine has children and some of those children have children of their own. While there are several family members that still live in the Philippines (Thank you Jesus!), there are quite a few who live in the States.

I have an aunt who feels that simply because she is my aunt and I am getting married, she is entitled to be a sponsor in the wedding. I have a cousin who has a daughter who feels that I should be obligated to have said daughter be the flower girl, possibly because I was in her wedding. I have a parent who is getting hoity-toity about whose side of the family is more represented in the wedding, my mom's side vs. my dad's side. I am expected to have my sister as my maid of honor. This is the only detail that my family has imposed on this wedding that I feel is appropriate and appreciated.

When I think of all of the things that my family wants and compare it to what Ryan and I want, I just want to scream or hide under the covers and wait until September 26, 2010 comes around. There are people in my extended family who have declared that they are not coming to the wedding because of a tactless Facebook comment made by another family member. I am suspicious of the full reasoning behind this declaration. It may be because I have not chosen my cousin's daughter as a Flower Girl and because I have not asked my aunt to be a sponsor. Either way, they are trying to make this declaration of non-attendance as a statement of anger and to make a strong point of how hurt their feelings are.
In all selfishness on my part, I do not care. It doesn't hurt my feelings in any way, shape or form that they are choosing not to come. I see their absence as 4 less people that I have to supply dinner for.

These people that I call family are being ridiculous, plain and simple. If it comes down to it, we won't have any bridesmaids or groomsmen or sponsors or flower girls or ring bearers. Ryan, using his best manager voice, will just have to tell them all too SUCK IT! (Hi, my name is Bridezilla...)

In the grand scheme of things, does the flower girl or ring bearer or sponsor or bridesmaid or groomsmen or usher have any impact on whether or not Ryan and I are married at the end of the day? In a word, NO!

And that's not even mentioning the fact that Ryan has family members as well. He has sisters, and nieces, and nephews and parents and cousins and aunts and uncles just the same minus about 100. It may be that he is protecting me from drama on his side, but I'm thinking it's more along the lines of the idea that there is no drama coming from his side. My cousin doesn't stop to think that maybe Ryan has a niece that would look lovely carrying a basket full of rose petals down the aisle. Which he does and she would, by the way. All she sees is that her daughter is not included and that must mean I hate their family. Obviously. On that subject, however, it is a well known fact in my family that this cousin and I have not always been BFF. She was probably the last person to be told, and that wasn't a coincidence. Knowing this, why would she feel I would want her bad attitude in the wedding party at all?

All I have left to say is, don't be surprised when instead of getting an invitation to the wedding, you get an announcement of our marriage with pictures of me in a huge Princess ball gown standing in the front of a courthouse with Ryan. Just don't be surprised.