happiness

I just spent 70 stress-free minutes on the treadmill. I burned 400 calories and walked 4 miles. For the past 3 days, I have had absolutely nothing on my agenda except relax, shop, relax some more, and spend time on de-stressing. I had been looking forward to this trip since the day Ryan told me it would be possible for me to join him on his work trip.

For a change of pace (haha,pun discovered and enjoyed), I walked at a comfortable pace, didn't watch the time or the calories and read the entire time. The magazine I read was Self and this particular issue was about getting meaning out of life, finding happiness and stability in the now and securing both for the future. One of the biggest things I realized in reading the second half of the magazine (I read the first half by the pool yesterday), was that I need to make some changes on a daily basis starting now.

So, I give you, A List:

1. Spend at least one afternoon or evening catching up with a friend. This evening/afternoon can be spent chatting online, having coffee, laying out by the pool, watching a movie, having dinner or talking on the phone. It should last at least 30 minutes, it should also not include Ryan. I think it is important for us to spend just a little less time together, not because we spend too much time together, but because our time together is sort of quantity heavy and quality light. For example, I often find myself lying on the couch while Ryan plays around with his hobbies. I enjoy this greatly, but only for so many nights a weeks. I wish that we had more things to talk about. The problem is that we spend all of our free time together so our conversations are limited to the things we do at work, not very stimulating. So, if we spent a bit of time apart, we would have interesting things to say about the time we were not together.

2. Start playing World of Warcraft again. When we used to play the game all of the time, I got burnt out. But, at the same time, we had a common goal, a conversation topic and countless hours of fun together. We were not focused on each other, we were focused on playing a game (together). It was only fun when played with one another and it was guaranteed time doing something we were both interested in. For awhile, I convinced myself that I could not afford the game. But really, it would be worth the cost.

3. Start exercising for health. I would like to take the emphasis (and therefore the stress) away from losing weight and direct the emphasis toward the other positive effects of working out daily. The positive effects for me are more energy, higher self-confidence and less napping. I feel like I waste too much of my day napping. Sometimes I nap for over 2 hours which causes problems for my sleep at night and doesn't really refresh me enough to get through the rest of the day.

4. Find other common interest activities for Ryan and I to spend time doing together. I think that I could ramp up my console game playing activities. I think he could spend more time outside of the apartment. On Wednesdays, we could go for a bike ride or for a walk or something. On an idle afternoon, we could hang out at a bookstore for an hour or so. I would like to see us getting out of the apartment a little bit more, okay a lot more. We could even walk to Barnes and noble.

5. Focus less on money. I am saving money on a regular basis both in an IRA and in my savings account. I have more than enough in my regular savings to cover living expenses in the event of an emergency. I am also very far on my way to financial security in my retirement years. I have the things that I want and am satisfied with my material things. I have no desire to cultivate a desire for more material things.

6. Cook more. I would like for Ryan and I to spend more time cooking together. I am no chef by any means, but I think it would be fun to make simple meals together. It would only take 30-45 minutes. It would be cheaper and healthier. I will work on this first and foremost.

7. Blog more. I might one day want to share my blog with others. I would like to refine my writing skills because I believe I have a lot of meaningful and fun thoughts that could be shared with others. Maybe my thoughts are not life-changing or highly profound, but it's better than talking to myself.

8. Stop focusing on marriage and focus on my relationship. I love Ryan and I love the way we interact. If marriage is in the picture, it will come when we are ready. Enough said.

And now, I am going to get ready to go lay by the pool. Which means, I need sunscreen, bathing suit, etc. What a lovely vacation.

other people have such interesting lives

I am of the opinion that my life is very boring. I could not be more content than when I am laying on the couch watching tv (likely, it's some show that I probably wouldn't admit to watching) while Ryan sits somewhere nearby messing around on the computer or painting orcs or something. Once upon a time, I used to do lots of things and I had lots of friends. I used to take lots of pictures of all the activities I went to. And now, I hardly do anything. I mean, seriously, I spend Thursday nights playing some sort of nerd game with the boys. I must admit I am jealous of Stacy and Caitlin of their Thursday night girls night thing. I would sincerely like to have a girlfriend that I hang out with and have fun with. The problem is that if I were to get together with someone, I would have nothing to say because the rest of my life is so damn boring.

I am very excited about this weekend though. Ryan and I (who else?) are going to Orlando for a little while. He was asked to travel down there as a Manager to help with the Grand opening of a recently acquired theater. He will be there from Friday until late Wednesday night. I get to go down there from Friday night until Tuesday morning. I am so excited to go shopping and just relax for 3 entire days in a row. I would really like to get some fun clothes to hang out in and fun clothes to go to work in.

weight

I have been tracking my weight since about the beginning of February. I have officilly lost a whopping 2 lbs. This week I gained a pound. It's a rather slow and disappointing process. I'd rather not join a program to lose weight. I want to do the whole diet and exercise path to losing weight. It is not working very well for me, unless the pound I gained was due to muscle gain. Who knows.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about getting married, buying a house, starting a family and living the "rest of my life". Really, I want a dog to start. But, in order to have a dog, I will need a yard for the dog to run in. Yards come with houses and I have promised myself I would be a renter until I was married. I feel like buying your first real "home" is a major stepping stone in life, specifically marriage.

I am not financially ready to get married, only mentally. that is all.

bored.

Like most days, the last 5 or so minutes are the longest minutes ever. Today is one of those days. I screwed up today at work and got "spoken to" by the chairman himself. Ooops. I just never know when I am going to completely mess up a seemingly innocent task, but it happens more often than I am comfortable with, truly. I have officially 6 minutes left and I can't wait to be heading home. I have been planning to take a nap today after work since yesterday afternoon. You see, on Thursday nights, Ryan and I go over to Erich's house and play nerd games. The last few times I have gone over there rather cranky, so I thought maybe if I make an effort to have a good day (go to bed early the night before and ignore stupid people) and take a nap after work, I could possibly have the right energy necessary to be in a good, social mood. It was all going according to plan until about 2:08. Now I just want to curl up in bed and eat ice cream while watching Love Actually.

And now, it's the end of my day. good-bye.

wedding!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! My brother got married! This is Mr. and Mrs. Cueva on the beach:

It was so wonderful to watch them get married. Even through the wedding, Jason kept things light, by throwing in funny facial expressions here and there and little comments that kept the church laughing. It was a nice wedding to be in. Nina just about lost it when we were standing there. And then on my left, Josie started crying too. I was standing there in the middle trying to console both of them. When they got to the part where they said there vows, thats when I lost it. I didn't let the tears stream down my face though. Oh no, I had practiced my elegant cry, so as not to ruin my make-up. Looking at the pictures afterward, I was very glad I held it together. Nina's face looks really funny in some of the pictures. Once we got all cleaned up and went to the beach, all of the pictures turned out fabulously! We took so many pictures on the beach. It was really quite fun.

This is my absolute favorite picture ever of me and Ryan. I seriously love this picture. It makes my heart happy and warm inside: and then here are my flowers up close:

and then the girls all together:

and the boys all together:

over a thousand pictures were taken, these are just some of my faves.

The day after the wedding, Jason, Mike (Nina's bf), Steve, Jon, Randy, Jay and me went to play paintball. That day was one of the most fun days I have ever had. We get to the "field" which was really just a huge expanse of land/forest. We got into our gear (camos) and loaded up our guns. I was so excited to get out there and play..that is until Jason shot off a practice shot. As I watched the little ball of paint sail off at a frightening speed, I thought, "Maybe this isn't such a good idea". Then, they set us loose in 2 teams and said have fun. At first, I was so freaking terrified to get shot. The first round, I spent following people around closely and hiding as best I could. I didn't shoot a single shot that round. At one point, all the people I was following got really far and I couldn't see or hear anyone moving around me. I felt abandoned and lost. It was the longest minute of my life. The second round, I actually got shot and I seriously contemplated never playing again. Eight or so rounds later, I was crawling on my hands and knees, snipering under fallen branches and trying desperately to get someone out. Mike, Jason and I were on one team, Steve, Jon, Randy and Jay were on the other team. Mike and I mostly served as guinea pigs, getting the other team to give away their positions as they shot at us. Meanwhile, Jason would sneak around and take them out with very precise shots. Everyone got hit at least once, but I was the only one left with a massive bruise. I showed that bruise off like it was a diamond engagement ring! I was so proud of my battle wound! Fun was had by all involved. In the match of Connecticut vs Florida, Florida totally won!

p.s. Gators won the National Championship on Monday! Have I ever mentioned that it's great to be FLORIDA GATOR!

poor sick boyfriend

Ryan is officially sick. He has been on the brink of a fever for the last 2 1/2 days. His nose knows no end to the dripping and he has developed a cough. He is soldiering into to work today. In the midst of it all, he has found a way to be soooo caring and attentive to me. I don't understand it. I tried to take care of him, I brought him soup, picked up 4 movies at blockbuster. He has drinks if he so much as looks thirsty and medicine every time his dosage ran out. Granted, he was the one getting the medicine. He just doesn't let me take care of him the way he takes care of me. Although, when I get sick, I get knocked completely out of whack. When he gets sick he just acts like he normally does at 50% the energy level. He finds a way to be adorable when he is sick and never misses a beat in taking care of me even though he's the one who needs the care. I love him, I really do.