just so you know....

One week left before BLACK FRIDAY! That is all.

restless

Restlessness took over me yesterday. Somehow, when I talk things through with Ryan I come up with some pretty deep, inner thoughts. The other day during walk, we were talking about life after graduation. There’s this feeling of having nothing to do, no real goals (again with the transition period of where to go next?) School occupied about 80% of my brain for 17 longs years and since it’s no longer a factor I have yet to figure out what to do with all that brain power.
I feel somewhat “busy”, as in I do the laundry, attempt to keep the apartment clean, help with the dishes and go to work. I have a minimal social life and piano lessons each week. Yesterday I came home to an empty apartment, with nothing planned but a 1 hour piano lesson. I ate an entire pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream (after having such a healthy eating day at work). My body/conscience was so angry with me for doing it that I couldn’t get up the appetite for any sort of real dinner. I was so distracted by my work day, the ice cream weakness and the current mess in the apartment that I couldn’t focus on the lesson. As I screwed up the notes more and more, I become increasingly nervous and the more nervous I became, the worse I played. What happened? I love playing the piano and love learning to play, so why can’t I actually play anything with feeling? I am stuck on the same 2 songs and am wading through the adult course, but for some reason my fingers have no passion to them.
After the lesson, I laid around the apartment feeling somewhat useless. Flipping channels has lost its luster, scrapbooking seemed blah. I was bored. In an effort to counteract the ice cream disaster, the treadmill seemed a good idea. Again, the motivation/inspiration was lacking. My usual stamina was shot because of the stabbing guilt of my poor atrophied muscles and disgusting diet habits.
By the end of the night, since I had really done nothing that took any energy out of me, I was absolutely restless. I tossed and turned, stealing whatever moments of sleep I could. By the time Ryan came home and we went to bed, I was physically unable to get comfortable. I had no coherent thoughts or concerns going through my head, except “why is my brain so bored?”
Now at work irritability has taken over and motivation is somewhere in the 8 hours of sleep that I didn’t get to enjoy. I need something more in my life, something fun and exciting. Something new. It’s torturous to think of moving away because it isn’t happening for another 8 months.

3-day boost

(his post may be all over the place because I had a three day weekend and that is all there is to it.)

Thank you Veterans Day for giving me yet another 3 day weekend (2 weekends in a row! whoo!). I think I prefer having a Monday off instead of a Friday on an extended weekend. For some reason facing a short week on a Tuesday feels better than trudging my way to Thursday.
Ryan and I spent what parts of the weekend we could watching Grey's Anatomy. We finished Season 2 and Season 3 should be in the mail today. I really like that show. It's pretty much the opposite of ER. ER has patient stories with little side stories on the main characters/docs. GA has character stories with little side stories on the patients. That being said, I enjoy them both.

I had to feed my sister's poor cat this weekend. Howie always goes straight for my ankles, then sprawls out in front of me as soon as my feet stop moving. His purring is highly audible b/c he's so happy for the attention and physical touch. I can't blame him, I am a fiend for physical touch. I love when Ryan rubs my back or plays with my hair. My sister has been away from her apartment since last Wednesday. The poor, lonely cat has resorted to crapping on the floor, probably for 2 reasons. One: he has no more space in his litter box to do his business there (I'll feed him, but the litter box is just too much to ask). And two: he is crying out for attention in any way he can! I was never a fan of my sister getting a cat (let alone 2!). She claimed she was lonely in her apartment. She was barely mature/responsible enough to move out of my parents house when she left for college. She can hardly take care of herself much less take care of a cat. But you can never her tell her she is doing something wrong. She digs in her heels and insists that you are unfairly and cruelly criticizing her. I hate feeding her cat because I feel like I pet sit for too many people (okay all of 2) all too often. If you have a pet, freakin take care of it. Geez. At least once a month, I am running across town to feed someone else's pets! I complain about it, but I do it because pets need love, too. That's the other reason I hate feeding her cat; Howie needs more love and more attention than she's giving. That's all I'm sayin'. He has the essentials: food and water. But he is a very social cat and he needs more than just the bare necessities. I am sure she gives him all the love he can ask for when she's around, but she goes out of town every other weekend.

More fun stuff. Sunday I went to Busch Gardens with my friend Scott, his fiance and her sister. It was an interesting day. I had fun on the coasters and I had fun catching up with Scott. I felt like I was talking a ton. But when I wasn't chatting up Scott, there was dead silence. His fiance seems really nice and her sister, too. I am happy for Scott. He is such a good person and he deserves all the happiness he can find. I was quite proud of myself for agreeing to go. I am not very good with social situations, especially when I don't know everyone there. Normally, I would have just avoided the phone calls altogether, but for some reason I was brave enough to venture out. I even went at a time that I could have been spending with Ryan.

On Saturday I went to Starbucks to lounge and read. I love going to get a cup of hot coffee and reading for a couple of hours. It's nice to people watch. I love to read and I love to drink coffee. It's always a nice little afternoon relaxation for me.

All in all I had a good weekend. There's a commercial playing now that gave me pause this weekend. I'm usually multi-tasking during commercials, so I haven't seen the commercial, but just hearing it has enough impact. The voice over guy basically says, "Instant gratification. We lean on it heavily these days. Don't like your car, get a new one. Don't like your house, get a new one. Don't like your job, quit and get a new one. Don't like your spouse, divorce and get a new one. Whatever happened to commitment? At (such and such place) we know commitment..." Or something like that. What ever did happen to commitment. I often wonder why I can't be happy in any of the jobs I've had/currently have. I want to commit to a place, but find myself unhappy after about 4-5 months. My resume shows jobs at least 4 jobs that I held for less than 1.5 years. Some of that is just the nature of a college experience, but some of it is just me being restless. The commercial gave me a renewed sense of semi-loyalty to my current job. I'll make it at least to the year mark. And if we move to Orlando, I will have worked here for about 1.5 years. To be honest, I barely make it here every day; I'm not exactly looking forward to making it to July.

This post is long. I leave you with this: Julie sent me an email today. Someone had apparently found an old catalog from JCPenney. It was from 1977 and was full of hilarious pictures, showing the style of that era.

And finally: Julie's thought for the day: The bigger the hair, the closer to God.

i should be sleepy.

I hate being alone in the apartment at night. I get (overly) creeped out by all the random sounds. The bangs on the wall, random shouting through the walls, footsteps and things falling on the floor of the apartment above. I turn on lights that aren't actually being used in some weird attempt to "distract any intruders from my actual location".
Tonight, in my efforts to not go out and buy a piece of velvet cake (the slice with the most cream cheese icing, of course!), I have eaten more gummy sharks than any self-respecting adult should admit to. I even ate the grape ones! I hate the grape ones!
So anyway, this weekend really did spoil me. Work sucks.

monday again. le sigh.

The temperature outside this morning was 50º!!! Ryan and I had the windows and sliding glass door open every moment we were at home. The utility bill will be more pleasant than painful and the apartment feels/smells airy and fresh.
I am very happy that Florida finally decided to let Fall come. Despite the bitterness of having to work when the weather is so gorgeous, Fall is the best time of the year. It would be so nice to move to a place that saw all 4 seasons, but I would be happy with a longer fall if all 4 seasons were not possible. I was born and raised a Florida girl. I love the sunshine, the beach and the laid back atmosphere. However, I equally love the sunshine with cold weather.
This morning when I said bye to Ryan, he said to me “it’s not a job, it’s an adventure”. An adventure, huh? Certainly doesn’t feel like one, though his comment did put me in check about my attitude about facing the day.
You see, I had a 3 day weekend. I spent some time with Ryan every single day of it. We relaxed, cleaned, cooked, bought groceries, went out to dinner, played games and, all in all, had a fantastic weekend together. Mondays are officially black days. Black skirt, black shirt (with white polka dots on the sleeves and collar) and black shoes are the ensemble for the day. My job makes me unhappy; Mondays make me sad.
I have noticed that the months seem to be going by relatively quickly. It might not be as hard as I think to get through to July. It doesn't seem all that long ago since Julie was here. I suppose that's a good sign. We are already 4 days into November. My mom called me Saturday to discuss Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's plans. The holidays can be such a blur.

office drama

From the fake smiles, empty compliments and the inevitable trail of gossip, the office is just not the warmest environment these days. I am sick and tired of shallow relationships. There are 4 personality types to contend with at my job.

The first is the chick (this is definitely a female drama issue) who wants everyone to like her. She offers a pretense of friendship. The second is the gossip monger who welcomes any slander, office talk or juicy news. The third is the up front, in your face, no bull lady. She will tell you like it is consistently and she isn’t afraid to clash opinions with anyone. The last is the quiet chick that easily fades into the background. She is friends with everyone simply b/c she doesn’t want to cause ripples with everyone.
None of these, in and of themselves are all that bad. It’s the extremes of the personalities that cause problems, it is the extremes of these types that exist in my office. It is exhausting to run into these personalities every which way you turn. I do not try to say that I am above these types. I show traits in all of these categories, and I am not proud of that. I would love to put my head down and get through the day without a scratch. The problem lies in the fact that to be above the gossip, above the shallow relationship and clear of negative karma, it would require a complete distancing from all the women altogether. The work day would be more than rough to sit at my desk alone and have no one to chat with when boredom prevails. It is not easy working in an office full of women.

There are some very nice people in the department, though not enough to make it a happy environment. C’est la vie.