and another thing...

I tried very hard to hold in my thoughts to spare you all the long and boring rant of ideas that have been scrolling through my head for the past 4 days. But this I could not hold in.

I came from a Catholic home. I once held true to those values that my aunt tried to impress upon me. I did once believe that it was very important to get married before living with a man, before having sex, before having babies. I didn't believe in birth control and I whole-heartedly believed that my salvation was based on living without sin and following the Bible. Living with Ryan has not torn all hope of religion and salvation from my mind and heart. I still believe that spirituality is important, but look more closely at the essence of what values are meaningful to me.

I once belonged to Gator Christian Life - GCL - and felt like I had found lasting friendship and a wholesome faith. I am a believer and yet I still have questions about faith and all that it entails. During my time with GCL, I attended several bridal showers. The focus of these bridal showers seemed to be "you're getting married so you can have sex!" They seemed to have lost all sense of what it means to be married, believing that being marriage just unlocked the box of forbidden fun. No one talked about having a partner for life or celebrating the start of a new journey with someone that you love. I realize that all sounds idyllic and cheesy, but through watching them do it the "holy and sinless" way took away some of the wedding glory.

I left GCL not too long after I joined. I did not leave my faith, however. Living with Ryan has opened me up to see the important things that build the foundation for a significant relationship. I haven't made the choices I made to disappoint my family and I can understand why my deviation from the religious norm has caused them worry. What choices I've made have been to look seriously into what I want my future to look like and to have actual experience to base future decisions.